Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
