My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
