Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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