And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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