Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
