glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
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