took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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