The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
