you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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