If that was your dad, he is hot
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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