Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
