dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
