please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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