come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
