Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
