No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
