She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
if only i could text you this smell
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize