i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
splinters make it hard to masturbate
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
