Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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