i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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