"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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