I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
