Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
