Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize