I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
