She's JV to your varsity
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
