Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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