why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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