My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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