I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
