dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
