Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
