he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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