then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
