I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
