i jhust puked up my retainher.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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