If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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