I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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