I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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