he looks like a really good dad on facebook
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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