Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
