Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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