can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
