pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
