i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
