My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
