i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
