Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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