Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
