why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
