I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He has the fingertips of a God
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