I got chris browned last night
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
