Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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