Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
