party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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