the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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