I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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