i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
