Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize