Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I know her cup size but not her name....
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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