He disabled his match.com account in front of me
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
