maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize