Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
