We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize