My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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