your thong is hanging out like whoa
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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