Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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