I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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