Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
