wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
