what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
